Connecting with the Detached Student
According to Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., “the relationships we have with our parents and other people who care for us when we are very young most directly shape who we become.” But what happens when our primary caregivers did not tend to our need to be seen and soothed from a very young age? Children raised without those needs being met can develop an avoidant model of attachment, which leads to feeling disconnected from others as well as from their own emotions and needs. These students may have never had a healthy relationship with an adult and do not know how to make a connection.
Consider this girl’s experience.
Students who have non-secure attachment models can learn to transform them into secure attachment models when those models present themselves. Teachers who provide a safe environment and let the student know they will provide unconditional support can help to develop a secure attachment. Following the principle, every day is a fresh start, assures students who may have had a bad day that you will still be there for them the next day. Creating ways to connect with those students, who may not be involved in extracurricular activities, or interested in coming in early, or staying late for academic help could also provide a safe harbor in which they can develop a secure attachment.
In this blog, Mr. Provenzano describes three ways to be available for students, without putting a lot of pressure on them.
Works Cited
Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. (2013). Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. New York: Penguin.
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